Dear Family and Friends,
Well, I was expecting the world to end on 1 January 2000 and thus put off doing our annual newsletter in hopes that I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I have worried about it ever since. This letter should hopefully reach you by Valentines Day. Just think, only 9 more shopping months until I have to start writing one of these letters again!
During the last year, Calvin (firstname.lastname@example.org) was released from the High Council and put into the Bishopric. A member of the ward recently came up to him and said, “I really resent you sleeping on the stand.” Calvin asked why. The member responded, “When I am sleeping and you go to sleep, my wife pokes me in the ribs to wake me up and says, ‘Look! Calvin is sleeping on the stand!’ So, I can’t get any rest during the meeting while you are sleeping.”
Stan (email@example.com) is now in his second year at college pursuing graphic design. He really enjoys his classes. When he goes too long between hair cuts, Trevor calls him a porcupine. Stan took his “own” summer vacation this year and went to visit friends and family in California by himself. He experienced a side of America he had not enjoyed before when he took the bus from San Francisco to Fresno. After watching the wierdos on the bus in action, Stan now concedes his life is not quite as avant guarde as he once thought!
Brooke (firstname.lastname@example.org) learned how to fly personal water craft at the Andrus family reunion at Bear Lake. After nearly throwing her mother into the drink a dozen or so times, she was put on car driving restriction for 10 years. She ran on the freshman cross country team this last fall, and enjoyed doing some road work this last summer with her aunts in California. Brooke was the only freshman from her high school selected for All-District Chorus and accompanies the Young Women in our ward on the piano.
During a casual conversation with a friend, Janet (email@example.com) referred to herself as a redhead. The friend queried, “You were a redhead?!?!?!” (ignore the past tense) Most of us worry about going gray in middle age, but Janet has done us one worse—she has gone brown! Calvin thinks she would be rejuvenated if the hairdresser put in some red highlights and she started wearing redder lipstick. Janet thinks she gets enough rejuvenation on the treadmill. Janet sponsored a very enjoyable musicale (look it up in the dictionary) for her piano students and their families two weeks before Christmas. She is also busily engaged in the Primary presidency at church.
Trevor (firstname.lastname@example.org) turned terrible two. He has acquired speech much faster than wisdom. Brooke delights in teaching him the slang for the body’s gaseous emissions, which he unabashedly speaks whenever company is around. He learned the possessive “my” from his cousins in Utah and California. He not only uses it with nouns (my toy, my finger), but also with verbs (my eat my food, my walk upstairs). One evening when Calvin got home from work, Trevor was saying, “My want kah kah.” Calvin marched all the older kids into the family room and demanded to know who was teaching Trevor dirty words in Spanish. All professed ignorance. When Calvin repeated the word Trevor was using, the kids pointed out that that is what Trevor calls “cracker.” We will not draw any implications about what is in the mind of the person who thinks “kah kah” is a dirty Spanish word.
Ryan (email@example.com) is in the midst of his teenage warp. We hope he snaps out of it sometime in the new century. Although he is just a junior in high school, he acts like he is in college—staying up late and sleeping through class. He works hard at pretending to be awake in Family Home Evening when he is really asleep. We will occasionally ask him to respond to a question, to which he responds with an emphatic, “huh?” When we ask him how his day was at school, he responds with an enthusiastic, “huh?” And, when we ask him what he and his friends are going to do on Friday night, he responds with an energetic, “huh?” He works part-time as an “order-taker” at Pizza Hut Takeout. He is taking a gourmet foods class at school. His best creation so far has been chocolate soufflé.
Chelsea (firstname.lastname@example.org) is in the 4th grade. She is our dress-up queen. She and her friends like to put on all the old clothes we have in the basement. Chelsea liked one of Janet’s old skirts so much that she wore it to school one day, by basting up the waist. She is enrolled in the gifted program at school, which gives interesting homework for the parents to do. She had an fun fieldtrip to a 19th century one-room school house, where the kids had to wear period clothing and use period learning materials, while the teacher taught in period style. They refrained from issuing period punishment, however, with the exception of a dunce hat.
David Calvin, Janet, Stan, Ryan, Brooke, Chelsea, and Trevor
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