On Making and Accepting Apologies

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Summary

This lesson suggests ways to give meaningful apologies, and the conditions under which we should accept apologies. Given as a Fifth Sunday Lesson in the Sterling Park Ward on Sunday 30 August 2009. Note that in the ppt version, the references for the pictures are in the notes pages.

Word cloud created at Wordle.net.

Versions:

Title Page

On Making and Accepting Apologies

A Fifth Sunday Lesson Given in the
Sterling Park Ward, Ashburn, VA Stake

By D. Calvin Andrus, Bishop
mailto:calvin.andrus@gmail.com

30 August 2009, Version 0.1

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Acknowledgements

The inspiration to give this lesson came from two books.

  1. Chapman, Gary and Thomas, Jennifer. (2008) The Five Languages of Apology. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
  2. Ferrell, James L. (2004) The Peacegiver. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.

I am indebted to these authors for their insight and wisdom. The ideas in this lesson derive, in large part, from these two sources.

Lesson

I have extracted the words from the powerpoint presentation. I know it is not so interesting here. I guess you kinda had to have been there. The numbers reflect the slide number.

Making Apologies

05. Making Apologies
06. When should we apologize? (1 of 4)

  • Yes or No: When we have done nothing wrong, and no one was hurt, offended, or insulted?

07. When should we apologize? (2 of 4)

  • Yes or No: When we have done something wrong, and another person or persons were hurt, offended, or insulted?

08. When should we apologize? (3 of 4)

  • Yes or No: When we have done something wrong, but nobody was hurt, offended, or insulted?

09. When should we apologize? (4 of 4)

  • Yes or No: When we have done nothing wrong, but another person or persons were hurt, offended, or insulted anyway?

10. Why do we apologize? (1 of 4)

  • Yes or No: Because of what the apology does for us, individually and personally?

11. Why do we apologize? (2 of 4)

  • Yes or No: Because of what the apology does for the other person?

12. Why do we apologize? (3 of 4)

  • Yes or No: Because of what the apology does for the relationship between us and the other person?

13. Why do we apologize? (4 of 4)

  • Yes or No: Because it’s a commandment?

14. Five Languages of Apology
19. Asking Forgiveness (5 of 5)

  • “I am sorry.”
  • “I was wrong.”
  • “What can I do to make it right?”
  • “I’ll try not to do that again.”
  • “Will you forgive me?”

21. When do we use which language?

  • Depends on the situation and the people involved.
  • Better to over-apologize than to under-apologize.
  • Sincerity is the most important factor.

22: Assignment

  • In the next week or two, apologize to another person for something you have done, said, or thought.
  • Pick the appropriate apology language and mean it.
  • You can practice on a trusted family member or friend.

23. Assignment

  • I promise you, that if you pray in faith before you make your apology and then make your apology sincerely, you will feel the Spirit increase in the relationship between you and the other person.
  • The Atonement is that powerful.

Receiving Apologies

24. Receiving Apologies
25. Set the Scene . . . (1 of 4)

  • I Samuel 20 - 24
  • David and 600-man army on the run from Saul and his 3,000-man army
  • David’s army did not forage, but treated the locals well

26. Set the Scene . . . (2 of 4)

  • I Samuel 25:1-9
  • One of the rich locals that David’s army protected was Nabal
  • David sent a petition to Nabal for food and supplies

27. Set the Scene . . . (3 of 4)

  • I Samuel 25:10-13
  • Nabal refuses
  • David gets angry, stirs up his men, and departs on a raid to take Nabal’s storehouses by force

28. Set the Scene . . . (4 of 4)

  • I Samuel 25:14-22
  • Nabal’s wife, Abigail, learns of Nabal’s arrogance and of David’s raid
  • Abigail assembles the goods David asked for and goes out to meet David en route

30. The Encounter (1 of 3)

  • I Samuel 25:23-24,28 (read)
  • “. . . upon me let this iniquity be . . .”
  • “. . . forgive the trespass of thine handmaid . . .”

31. The Encounter (2 of 3)

  • I Samuel 25:23-24,28 (read)
  • Not for Nabal’s sake, but for David’s sake
  • “ . . . because my lord fighteth the battle of the Lord, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days.”

32. The Encounter (2 of 3)

  • I Samuel 25:32-33 (read)
  • David acknowledges it was in his own interest to forgive

33. Analysis . . . (1 of 4)

  • Abigail took upon herself the fault
  • Abigail made full restitution
  • Abigail, though innocent, asked forgiveness
  • Abigail was selfless for David’s sake

34. Analysis . . . (2 of 4)

  • It was easy for David to forgive an innocent person, especially when she made full restitution
  • David comes to see that his forgiveness was not doing Nabal a favor, but was doing himself a favor

35. Analysis . . . (3 of 4)

  • Christ has taken upon himself all the injuries caused by others
  • He will make restitution to us for every hurt we suffer (Matt 11:28)
  • He commands us to forgive all trespasses (DC 64:10)

36. Analysis . . . (4 of 4)

  • Other people do not need our forgiveness because it is Heavenly Father who forgives
  • We need to forgive others for our own sake

37. So, when should we forgive? (1 of 3)

  • Telestial:
  • “What they have done is so bad, I can never forgive”
  • “I will avenge the evil done unto me”
  • “I will forgive them only when they apologize to me first

38. So, when should we forgive? (2 of 3)

  • Terrestial:
  • “I will forgive them before they apologize”
  • “I have forgiven them, but an apology would be nice”

39. So, when should we forgive? (3 of 3)

  • Celestial:
  • “I have already forgiven every offense, past, present, and future”
  • “I never need an apology because I never take offense”

40. Assignment

  • In the next week or two, completely and without any reservation, within yourself forgive another person for some trespass you believe they have committed against you.

41. Assignment

  • I promise you, that if you let the offense go—and you, through faith and prayer, cast the burden in your life on the Lord, he will make it up to you.
  • The Atonement is that powerful.

Conclusion

42. End with Testimony